Wednesday, September 16, 2009

JOKES

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists.
Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!
The man said, 'You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife..' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.'
The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.
'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'


MORAL of the story:

Women will get the job done.
Don't mess with them


New Technology Mobile Phones





JOKES


Do not Carry Umbrella in the rain put Baby Pamper on your head
This will not give you feelings of wet for many hours.

One Cockroach went into the hotel and ordered

One gutter malai
One bowl mouse soup
one fry phelgum
one glass vomit shake

But please wash your hands with safeguard soap

Friday, June 26, 2009

For A Smile On Your Face

Do not worry be happy and release your stress here.
Making a person to laugh is more than worship.
Here are something for your smile



Short Management Course

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.



Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..


Lesson 6:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!


You can not control your Laughter after watching this Video


Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Laughter Is the Best Medicine





If you are not using your smile , then you are a person with million dollars in the bank having no cheque book.


Judge: Why you broke into his house in the day?

Thief: Because I am Night guard in the night.


Ek sardar dost ke ghar se uth ke apny ghar janay laga. Bahir shadeed barish ho rahi thi.
Dost : aaj maray pas he reh jao bahir barish bohat hai. Main tumhara bistra laga daita hoon.
Sardar: ok

Dost ne bistra lagaya aur dekha sardar gayb hai. Ghante bad sardar beegta, kanpta hoa aya
Dost: sardar ji kahan gay the
Sardar: o ji main zara ghar gia tha ky main aaj nahi aon ga.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Laughter Is the Best Medicine

Young woman lying on grass in park, talking on cell phone
Suggest Link Directory

Laughter
connects us with other people so if you bring more laughter into your life, you can most likely help others around you to laugh more. And realize the benefits of laughters. By elevating the mood of those around you, you can reduce their stress levels, and perhaps improve the quality of people around you. Please help to reduce stress level in the people in this world of stressful.
Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain, and conflict. Nothing is better than a laughter to bring your mind and body back into balance. Humor lightens your burdens, inspires hopes, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert.